Do what you love with the person you love in the place that you love. What’s An Article Worth? Apr. Matt Saccaro has reached millions of readers with his articles on Salon, Thought Catalog, Medium, and BuzzFeed. He ... Read more »Something is worth what people will pay for it. If nobody has paid for your articles—and by extension, you—does that make them, and you, worthless? That’s a question I struggle with every time the cursor blinks. The answer is always the same: Nothing. Outside of MMA writing, where I’m fortunate enough to get paid, I’ve written over 350 articles across several different (big) websites and every single one was worthless. The exposure the publishers paid me in amounted to false hope and the illusion of progress. “I’m doing it. I’ve published so many articles. But they—whoever they might be—never do. There are writing jobs you simply apply to and then there are writing jobs you lust after—the kind that make careers. The kind you’d rip your own heart out and offer it to the editor-in-chief for. The kind that would mean never taking a low-level “gig” again. The kind that would mean goodbye to entry level jobs and sleepless nights. The kind you’d give up anything you ever had for. The kind you re-write your cover letter a thousand times for just because it has to be that perfect. The jobs you can’t take a breath without thinking about. I’ve written about as many job applications as I have articles. Judging by the results, my cover letters and resumes were as unimpressive as my published works. Not getting “gigs” at D-list websites never really bothered me. But failing to achieve the better stuff—that hurts. That opens wounds. There was one website I wanted to work for in particular. I won’t name it because it’ll be perceived as calling them out and I don’t need that headache. But if you’ve been following me for any length of time I’m sure you could guess which one it is. I contributed there prolifically. I wrote more articles on this site than some staffers yet I couldn’t get hired. But people who did less than half as many posts as I did managed to get jobs there, jobs I applied to. People who accomplished 1/10th as much on that site and nothing anywhere else managed to get jobs there. Because I wasn’t as good. Maybe because I was worthless. And maybe because I was a piece of shit who didn’t (and still doesn’t) belong in the industry and this company knew that from the start. Some might say I’m being hypercritical of myself, but I take my reality black—no sugar, no milk. Some candidates—at that company and others I applied to—were simply better. Recently I learned that someone I used to follow on twitter before they “made it”/were “famous” and before they even started writing got picked up by a massive website. While I felt bad about myself for watching yet another person pass me by despite trying as hard as I could, I wasn’t angry. This person writes like they’ve been doing it for 30 years (they haven’t) and I don’t. I write like a bright 9th grader: stammering, simple prose with the occasional clever phrase. But it’s the people who get hired that haven’t done anywhere near as many articles as I have and aren’t particularly talented that make me wonder what I’m doing wrong. Clearly I must be doing something wrong because I’ve been at this for three years now and have fuck all to show for it. But what, specifically, am I doing wrong? The problem can’t be that I’m not writing enough, because people who write less are getting hired. I traverse this cerebral hedge maze every time I write. Idealists would say that all articles are worth something, and that if I don’t believe it’s good enough to use as a clip, I shouldn’t be writing it in the first place. But the reality is that you need page views too. I’ve written over 100 articles on Thought Catalog, but I only have about a dozen listed as clips on my website. So should I have just written those twelve? I wish I knew the answer, though I think it’s “no.” I’ve seen great writers get hired to write garbage—Upworthy style, “MUST SEE” videos, vapid lists, and lowest common denominator clickbait (and I’m not shaming here, I’m just telling the truth; I myself am guilty of 2/3 of these things). I’ve seen legit writers cash in their chips for an easy life of lists and viral beat write ups. Is that what you’re supposed to do in the Internet writing business now? Perhaps the race to the top is a race to the bottom. If that’s the case, I guess I should keep writing. I reach that conclusion—keep trying—but then the cycle starts anew when I apply to a job I don’t get, or, on bad days, when I read an article, check out the person who wrote it, and see they have like 100 twitter followers and have been writing for less than a year (and they’ve got a staff job somewhere super important). When that happens I start questioning myself again. I feel like I never want to read or write an article again. I feel as worthless as all the articles I’ve written. I feel like I don’t even deserve to live. But I’ll keep going because it’s the only thing I want to do, and I’ve come too far to do anything else. I’ll click “publish” on this piece, and it’ll get its 60 or 70 reads, and then rot. It’ll be another lump of worthless code bearing my byline—data in CMS that’ll be forgotten faster than it took to make. Matt Saccaro has reached millions of readers with his articles on Salon, Thought Catalog, Medium, and BuzzFeed. Do what you love with the person you love in the place that you love. We are ALL Frank Kaminsky this weekend. Remember that. I had sex last year and I went to the gym last month and I have to pee right now and I love my mom. There should be real danger in going to war for both you and I, danger that we may have to pick up a gun and go fight. In that danger there is honesty. By James B. I am looking for submissions from writers on politics, culture, and world events who are able to do analysis, form ... There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. Ben Williams Dogs have given us their absolute all. We are the center of their universe. Thought Catalog producer, wrote a Kindle Single about philosophy (except for funner). Talk to me on Twitter and Tumblr. Copyright 2014 The Thought & Expression Co. All rights reserved. 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